Making as Self-Care
A sweater made by me for me.
It is said that one cannot be creative without being a bit mad. I have always thought that creative people feel too deeply, see too clearly and know way too much. The amount of information the creative mind processes can be overwhelming at times. I think that is why creators want to be alone to work on their creations--one wants to be able to focus and tune out all the excess “noise” swirling around. This can be very difficult in the age of Social Media, where everyone seems to be shouting at all times, “LOOK AT ME!”. Sometimes all of that connection is not a good thing.
Being able to be creative has saved my life many times. I have always battled various physical chronic illnesses, which in turn caused a lot of emotional scarring. As a young woman fresh out of college, I tried with all of my might to run the professional designer race like my peers, only to get knocked down time after time. It took me many years to realize I had to run my own race at my own pace and that it’s OK! I could only do this once I had two revelations:
Going at a pace I could manage was the only way I would be able to actually accomplish anything.
Everyone is too focused on themselves to really care--or criticize-- what I am doing and how I do it.
Once I accepted these truths, I was able to go about the process of letting go of other people’s perceived expectations. I could give myself the permission to not view my life as a failure and maybe, just possibly, begin to like who I am constantly becoming. I could let go of the idea that I had to be a Black Fabulous Designer and just be myself--a woman who happens to love being Black and likes to make things.
Redefining myself this way has allowed me to be creative in other ways than how I was trained professionally. For example, it is obvious by my website that I crochet A LOT. One of the biggest reasons is because of this:
My vision currently.
This represents what my vision is like now, but imagine that all the blurry spots, squiggly lines and dark shadows are constantly swirling around. I found that it was easier to “see” with my fingers than relying solely on my eyes. I still paint and sketch, but as of late the majority of my creativity comes through handmade items.
It has allowed me to accept where I am physically as well. Even though my illness is mostly invisible, it does present constant challenges that I must adapt to on any given day. My workspace is partially my bed because I am confined to it often for hours. Finding me under my blanket with dozens of skeins of yarn and sketchpads strewn about is just an average workday for me.
Being able to create while being incapacitated at times is such a gift. A lot of people don’t have this ability and can deal with their struggles in damaging, destructive ways, like self-medicating with drugs and/or alcohol. To create something, especially when it’s useful (even if no one to actually uses it) always lifts my spirit.
Making does a body and soul good.
